DECENCY – this is for me the SINGLE FACTOR that separates a GREAT relationship from a bad one. I never knew how much there is behind such an uninteresting word. Let alone that I would one day writ about it! But I never thought I’d do many other things in my life too – haha!
This CONCEPT features regularly in my coaching sessions and of course in my business and personal relationships. But I never had a name for it. So what is DECENCY? It is intricately linked with exercising your Emotional Intelligence (EQ).
Without knowing when to stop we VIOLATE people’s boundaries and MILK their kindness. There are multiple boundaries (time, privacy, financial, sexual, family etc) and these are very different for each and every person. We go too far and we HURT or LOSE a relationship.
So how to keep our relationships healthy and in the long term? –> Yes I am talking about work and personal relationships and to managers especially!
Here is what DECENCY is made of:
1) Always be UPFRONT if you need something. Ask for permission and give people time to think if they want to engage. Empower others by giving them a choice to refuse.
2) RECIPROCATE (in other words Give & Take), always offer to give (not what you have, but what the other person might need)
3) Be GRATEFUL always and express it. Simply – say “Thank you” and mean it.
4) Genuinely CARE – how many times your friends call you and they TALK all over you and they forget to ask how are you doing? Or at best, you are an after-thought, after you have asked “how are they doing”. Warning sign!
5) The outcome is to have a WIN-WIN sustainable long positive relationship. Both sides feel they have gained much more than they hoped for.
6) RESPECT people by being ON TIME.
7) Create SAFETY – by connecting vulnerably. When there is no hidden agenda or an ego parade then there is no need for defence and games.
Remember it’s a DANCE, i.e. a constant back & forth communication. DECENCY can be learnt and applied differently to each relationship. One day I will be running DECENCY lessons and I hope they will be as popular as Salsa lessons! 😉
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